For the past week and a half or so we've been giving our 1st graders level tests. Basically, we need to divide up 120 first graders into high, medium, and low levels, and every kid needs to be tested individually and then ranked by a team of 3 foreign teachers and 2 Korean teachers. That means I've spent a heckuva lot of my time having conversations that went like this:

Me: Hi! What is your name?
Student: TEACHER!
Me: Your name is teacher???
Student: Teacher!!
Me: Um...what?
Student: Teacher!! Hellllooo!!!!!
Me: Hello. Um...Can I see your nametag? Oh, Gabriel is your name! Hi, Gabriel. How old are you?
Student: I'm fine, thank you.
Me: No, not how ARE you, how OLD are...ok, nevermind. YOU DID AWESOME!! HIGH FIVE!!! WANT A STICKER?!?!?

Or something like this:

Me: Sally, how's the weather today?
Sally: Tuesday.
Me: Um...today is THURSDAY, but how is the weather?
Sally: *blank stare*
Me: Is it snowing???
Sally: *shakes head no*
Me: Good! So, if it's not snowing, what is it?
Sally: *starts picking her nose*
Me: OK!! No high five for you, but TAKE A STICKER!! AND WASH YOUR HANDS! Good job, Sally!!

And my all-time, worthy of 2 stickers, personal favorite:

Me: Hi! What is your name?
Student: Semen.
Me: WHAT?!?
Student: My name is Semen.
Me: Semen???
Student: *looking at me like I'm retarded* YES, teacher.
Me: Can you spell that?
Student: *shakes head*
Me: Where is your nametag? In your bookbag? Can you go get it?
Student: *runs off, returns shortly with nametag*
Me: Ohhhhh! Is your name Simone????
Student: YES TEACHER!! MY NAME IS SEMEN!
Me: Can you say See-MONE? Cause it's a pretty big difference...

Between the level tests and my regular teaching, I've grown so accustomed to speaking to 1st grade ESL students that finally the other night Ant said in his best exasperated tone, "Are you going to talk like that forever?" And I realized that I had been talking to him like he was in 1st grade and didn't speak any English. "Oh, Ant-uh!! You want food-uh? Ok. I make. You sit."

6 comments:

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Can you say See-MONE? Cause it's a pretty big difference ...

Hahahaha!

Well, actually, not THAT big a difference, if you and I are talking about the same Simone, Because as I recall, there was a lot of semen around her.

Not that I'm judging.

But wait, I just remembered, we can't be talking about the same one because the Simone I knew was definitely not 6 years old.

Or Korean.

Or female.

But I've said too much ...

FLYERS26 said...

Wow!
Gotta love 1st graders..

Melanie said...

OMFG... too funny. Thanks for my morning giggle :)

Carolina John said...

haha, that's a good one. kids say the craziest things.

raulgonemobile said...

Hehe.. funny. I could see bringing home that sort of talking, too, after doing it all day.

Trojan said...

I'm seriously trying to control the volume of my laughter right now.

Friggin funny as hell.


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