Just a few of my first graders, trying desperately to master the difference between the letter 'P' and the letter 'F.' From top to bottom: Michelle, Alice, Clark, John, and Dave.
Showing posts with label First graders are a pain in the ass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label First graders are a pain in the ass. Show all posts
I'm interrupting my planned post on The Great Wall to tell you guys 2 little things about my life lately.
1. I cannot think of the words in any language to explain how much work has sucked, sucked, sucked this week. No particular reason, just finals to make, give, and grade, lots of last minute meetings ending in phrases like, "And I need it by tomorrow," and those damn 1st graders. I hate 1st graders.
2. JES AND ANT'S DAY O' FUN!!!! Let me tell you guys that for 2 people who don't do much, Ant and I have a rather difficult time spending time together. We work opposite schedules, so when I'm home he's not, and vice versa. He needs way more beauty sleep than I do, so he usually falls asleep a few hours before me. So, I got it in my head to plan a whole day of fun stuff for us to do together, which is a bit more difficult than it seems. First, I had to make sure Ant would participate, which meant he would have to agree to stay in Seoul and not run off to the mountains to go climbing. Luckily, he mentioned over Sam Gyeop Sal one night that the people he usually goes climbing with were leaving Thursday for a trip, so he couldn't go because of work. Sweet! So I picked that date, waited a few days, and asked if he was interested, and he was all, "Oh yeah, I don't mind missing climbing," which, of course, really meant, "I can't go climbing so I guess I might as well do something with my girlfriend so she doesn't bitch next weekend when I want to stay at the mountain Saturday and Sunday." It's cool Ant, I understand.
So, my plan involved being outside for pretty much the entire day, because I secretly snuck off and bought us some new bikes to cruise around on!!! I knew Ant would be so excited and so surprised, and Jes and Ant's day of fun would be AWESOME!!!
And then I woke up on Saturday, and it was POURING. I have never seen it rain so hard for so long. It rained so hard that I was starting to wonder if I should have listened to that voice I heard that told me to build a huge boat and put a bunch of animals on it. I was bummed.
So, this is how Jes and Ant's Day of Not So Much Fun went:
Me: Good morning.
Him: Morning. What's wrong?
Me: It's raining, so Jes and Ant's Day of Fun is ruined.
Him: So, can I go back to sleep?
Me: Fine. Sigh.
Him: snore.
So, what did we do all day? We went to Home Plus and bought hangers and a clothes hamper for our dirty stuff, cleaned our apartment, and did laundry. Blech.
1. I cannot think of the words in any language to explain how much work has sucked, sucked, sucked this week. No particular reason, just finals to make, give, and grade, lots of last minute meetings ending in phrases like, "And I need it by tomorrow," and those damn 1st graders. I hate 1st graders.
2. JES AND ANT'S DAY O' FUN!!!! Let me tell you guys that for 2 people who don't do much, Ant and I have a rather difficult time spending time together. We work opposite schedules, so when I'm home he's not, and vice versa. He needs way more beauty sleep than I do, so he usually falls asleep a few hours before me. So, I got it in my head to plan a whole day of fun stuff for us to do together, which is a bit more difficult than it seems. First, I had to make sure Ant would participate, which meant he would have to agree to stay in Seoul and not run off to the mountains to go climbing. Luckily, he mentioned over Sam Gyeop Sal one night that the people he usually goes climbing with were leaving Thursday for a trip, so he couldn't go because of work. Sweet! So I picked that date, waited a few days, and asked if he was interested, and he was all, "Oh yeah, I don't mind missing climbing," which, of course, really meant, "I can't go climbing so I guess I might as well do something with my girlfriend so she doesn't bitch next weekend when I want to stay at the mountain Saturday and Sunday." It's cool Ant, I understand.
So, my plan involved being outside for pretty much the entire day, because I secretly snuck off and bought us some new bikes to cruise around on!!! I knew Ant would be so excited and so surprised, and Jes and Ant's day of fun would be AWESOME!!!
And then I woke up on Saturday, and it was POURING. I have never seen it rain so hard for so long. It rained so hard that I was starting to wonder if I should have listened to that voice I heard that told me to build a huge boat and put a bunch of animals on it. I was bummed.
So, this is how Jes and Ant's Day of Not So Much Fun went:
Me: Good morning.
Him: Morning. What's wrong?
Me: It's raining, so Jes and Ant's Day of Fun is ruined.
Him: So, can I go back to sleep?
Me: Fine. Sigh.
Him: snore.
So, what did we do all day? We went to Home Plus and bought hangers and a clothes hamper for our dirty stuff, cleaned our apartment, and did laundry. Blech.
For the past week and a half or so we've been giving our 1st graders level tests. Basically, we need to divide up 120 first graders into high, medium, and low levels, and every kid needs to be tested individually and then ranked by a team of 3 foreign teachers and 2 Korean teachers. That means I've spent a heckuva lot of my time having conversations that went like this:
Me: Hi! What is your name?
Student: TEACHER!
Me: Your name is teacher???
Student: Teacher!!
Me: Um...what?
Student: Teacher!! Hellllooo!!!!!
Me: Hello. Um...Can I see your nametag? Oh, Gabriel is your name! Hi, Gabriel. How old are you?
Student: I'm fine, thank you.
Me: No, not how ARE you, how OLD are...ok, nevermind. YOU DID AWESOME!! HIGH FIVE!!! WANT A STICKER?!?!?
Or something like this:
Me: Sally, how's the weather today?
Sally: Tuesday.
Me: Um...today is THURSDAY, but how is the weather?
Sally: *blank stare*
Me: Is it snowing???
Sally: *shakes head no*
Me: Good! So, if it's not snowing, what is it?
Sally: *starts picking her nose*
Me: OK!! No high five for you, but TAKE A STICKER!! AND WASH YOUR HANDS! Good job, Sally!!
And my all-time, worthy of 2 stickers, personal favorite:
Me: Hi! What is your name?
Student: Semen.
Me: WHAT?!?
Student: My name is Semen.
Me: Semen???
Student: *looking at me like I'm retarded* YES, teacher.
Me: Can you spell that?
Student: *shakes head*
Me: Where is your nametag? In your bookbag? Can you go get it?
Student: *runs off, returns shortly with nametag*
Me: Ohhhhh! Is your name Simone????
Student: YES TEACHER!! MY NAME IS SEMEN!
Me: Can you say See-MONE? Cause it's a pretty big difference...
Between the level tests and my regular teaching, I've grown so accustomed to speaking to 1st grade ESL students that finally the other night Ant said in his best exasperated tone, "Are you going to talk like that forever?" And I realized that I had been talking to him like he was in 1st grade and didn't speak any English. "Oh, Ant-uh!! You want food-uh? Ok. I make. You sit."
Me: Hi! What is your name?
Student: TEACHER!
Me: Your name is teacher???
Student: Teacher!!
Me: Um...what?
Student: Teacher!! Hellllooo!!!!!
Me: Hello. Um...Can I see your nametag? Oh, Gabriel is your name! Hi, Gabriel. How old are you?
Student: I'm fine, thank you.
Me: No, not how ARE you, how OLD are...ok, nevermind. YOU DID AWESOME!! HIGH FIVE!!! WANT A STICKER?!?!?
Or something like this:
Me: Sally, how's the weather today?
Sally: Tuesday.
Me: Um...today is THURSDAY, but how is the weather?
Sally: *blank stare*
Me: Is it snowing???
Sally: *shakes head no*
Me: Good! So, if it's not snowing, what is it?
Sally: *starts picking her nose*
Me: OK!! No high five for you, but TAKE A STICKER!! AND WASH YOUR HANDS! Good job, Sally!!
And my all-time, worthy of 2 stickers, personal favorite:
Me: Hi! What is your name?
Student: Semen.
Me: WHAT?!?
Student: My name is Semen.
Me: Semen???
Student: *looking at me like I'm retarded* YES, teacher.
Me: Can you spell that?
Student: *shakes head*
Me: Where is your nametag? In your bookbag? Can you go get it?
Student: *runs off, returns shortly with nametag*
Me: Ohhhhh! Is your name Simone????
Student: YES TEACHER!! MY NAME IS SEMEN!
Me: Can you say See-MONE? Cause it's a pretty big difference...
Between the level tests and my regular teaching, I've grown so accustomed to speaking to 1st grade ESL students that finally the other night Ant said in his best exasperated tone, "Are you going to talk like that forever?" And I realized that I had been talking to him like he was in 1st grade and didn't speak any English. "Oh, Ant-uh!! You want food-uh? Ok. I make. You sit."
A few days ago I staggered dramatically through the door of our apartment, kicked off my shoes, and threw myself theatrically across the bed, forcing Ant to look up from the book he had been reading.
"ANT!!!! I don't think I'm meant to teach 1st graders!"
"Why?"
"Because I don't think you're supposed to look at a 5 year old and think things like, 'That girl is such an annoying shithead!'"
Seriously, how is it possible for something that barely reaches my waist and only knows about 5 words of the language I speak to be such a pain in the ass?!?
Grrrr!!!!
And today Stephanie (who is not normally an annoying pain, and is actually quite cute and charming) puked all over me.
"Teacher??? (tugging on my sleeve)"
"Hey Stephanie! What's up?"
"Blaaaaaaauuuuuugggggggkkkk (or however you spell the sound of puke splashing all over my clothes and dripping onto the floor)."
Yay 1st grade!!!
"ANT!!!! I don't think I'm meant to teach 1st graders!"
"Why?"
"Because I don't think you're supposed to look at a 5 year old and think things like, 'That girl is such an annoying shithead!'"
Seriously, how is it possible for something that barely reaches my waist and only knows about 5 words of the language I speak to be such a pain in the ass?!?
Grrrr!!!!
And today Stephanie (who is not normally an annoying pain, and is actually quite cute and charming) puked all over me.
"Teacher??? (tugging on my sleeve)"
"Hey Stephanie! What's up?"
"Blaaaaaaauuuuuugggggggkkkk (or however you spell the sound of puke splashing all over my clothes and dripping onto the floor)."
Yay 1st grade!!!
57. 57 is the total number of times I said, "NO SPEAKING KOREAN!!!" to my 1st graders. 2 classes, 80 minutes, 20 5 year olds, 57 times I had to repeat "NO KOREAN!!!" Seriously, I kept count. Also, I had the following conversation 3 times:
Me: Hi!! What is your name?
Student: ...silence...
Me: Hi!! I'm Jessica Teacher (pointing at myself), what is your name (pointing at student)?
Student: ...silence...blinks twice...
Me: (Looks at student's name) Justina? Is your name Justina?
Student: ...starts to cry...
Justina is too shy to say her name out loud, but is not too shy to get up, run all the way across the classroom, and beat the crap out of Tomas for no apparent reason.
Sigh. It's gonna be a loooong year. Someone buy me a beer, or 3!
Me: Hi!! What is your name?
Student: ...silence...
Me: Hi!! I'm Jessica Teacher (pointing at myself), what is your name (pointing at student)?
Student: ...silence...blinks twice...
Me: (Looks at student's name) Justina? Is your name Justina?
Student: ...starts to cry...
Justina is too shy to say her name out loud, but is not too shy to get up, run all the way across the classroom, and beat the crap out of Tomas for no apparent reason.
Sigh. It's gonna be a loooong year. Someone buy me a beer, or 3!
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