Aren't we pretty? The correct answer is YES. Yes, we are. Allow me to introduce you to my friend Jamie. She's in the blue. I'm the other one (duh). We met waaaay back at Sunbury Middle School when we were in 6th grade. I forget how though. Maybe french class? Maybe Mr. Snyder's science class? Anyway people, focus, cause that's not important. What is important is that you know that we were equally pretty back then, too.

You'd never know it now, but back in our youth Jamie was a very good, quiet, well-behaved Christian sort of gal. I never saw her in detention or in that stupid in-school suspension room. I can't remember if I ever saw her getting drunk in the cornfields with us, but I doubt she was there (I'm totally kidding mom, I never drank before I was 21. And I definitely didn't forge your signature on the in-school suspension notice). She never skipped school with us (kidding again, mom), and unlike that traitor Letitia Midmore I never came home and found her going at it with my brother.

So Jamie was the good one, I was the bad one. I imagine her parents had many conversations that began like this:

Dad: Jamie's friend Jes is coming out to the house tomorrow.

Mom: Sigh. I just don't like Jamie hanging out with that girl. She's such a bad influence.

Dad: Now, now. That's not a very Christian attitude! Perhaps our darling, perfect little Jamie can help her get on the right path?

Jaime and I did all sorts of things together, but the one thing she looooooves reminding me about is the time I nearly killed us both when I crashed their 4-wheeler. I mean, come on. Who would let me drive a 4-wheeler? I should probably put a crash helmet on just to get out of bed! I remember the incident well, as you tend to remember those moments when your whole life flashes before your eyes, but I don't remember ever telling her parents. I suspect we may have "forgotten" to mention it to them.

And so, for the low, low price of 15 dollars I will sit down and hand write Jamie's mom an apology letter for being such an asshole and for crashing their 4-wheeler. I will mail the letter to Jamie's mom. And I will mail everyone who gives at least a buck a copy of the letter.

In closing, I'd like to offer you another picture of Jamie and I being pretty, because we're just so freakin' good at it! Enjoy, mofos!

Apology Letter

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