A few days ago I staggered dramatically through the door of our apartment, kicked off my shoes, and threw myself theatrically across the bed, forcing Ant to look up from the book he had been reading.

"ANT!!!! I don't think I'm meant to teach 1st graders!"
"Because I don't think you're supposed to look at a 5 year old and think things like, 'That girl is such an annoying shithead!'"

Seriously, how is it possible for something that barely reaches my waist and only knows about 5 words of the language I speak to be such a pain in the ass?!?


And today Stephanie (who is not normally an annoying pain, and is actually quite cute and charming) puked all over me.

"Teacher??? (tugging on my sleeve)"
"Hey Stephanie! What's up?"
"Blaaaaaaauuuuuugggggggkkkk (or however you spell the sound of puke splashing all over my clothes and dripping onto the floor)."

Yay 1st grade!!!


joyRuN said...

I don't know how teachers do it, because I certainly CANNOT.

Teachers need the patience of Job & the energy level of that damn battery bunny.

I tried it. Once. I was a substitute teacher for a 2nd grade class. I went home with the biggest headache of my life & called the school district to take me off their roster.

Bob said...

Now what exactly did the kid learn from that experience? Nothing other than that they can RALPH! on the teacher and it's no big deal. Am I right here? Next time puke back. That's right, puke back on the kid who puked on you and plead that you puke when you smell puke. Works every time and guess what, that kid and the kids around whoever pukes will never ever puke on a teacher again. When I taught a K/1 combination class it worked for me.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

HAHAHAHAHA!1! This was such a great post that I checked "funny", "cool" AND "interesting"! If you had had a "chunk-tastic" category, I'd've definitely checked THAT too!

Even though I was a little disappointed at first because, with that opening, I was sure this post was headed in an R-rated - if not out-and-out porno - direction, what with the shoe-off-kicking and the theatrical bedding. But that was not to be.

But then a kid puked on you and that was Teh AWESOME!1! Better than porn!

Plus I think you misspelled "Blaaaaaaauuuuuugggggggkkkk" because don't you think FOUR "k"s is a bit over the top.

Better practice spelling your porn sounds for when you finally do the porn post.

Melanie said...

LMAO at Glaven... and ewwwwww. Sorry about the puking. I'm with Joy, give you credit, cuz I couldn't do it!

achilles3 said...

I hate kids. Especially ones that fucking puke.

tfh said...

Siiigh. I have looked at toddlers-- sweet, innocent TODDLERS-- and had the "annoying shithead" thought. It's the not expressing it that makes you a fantastic teacher. :)

Chad in the AZ Desert said...

My wife is a teacher and I still don't have any idea how you teachers do it - I'm just glad you do. I would probably have to kill one of them as an example to the other not to get out of line.

daeguowl said...

What goes around, comes around...

sumatra22 said...

Yeah, I know what you mean...they're akshully annoying from the age of about 5-25...I guess it gets better after that. So I'm already looking into European boarding schools, cause I figure there's go to be some pretty long waiting lists. LOL

Leave it to a Stephanie to puke all over you!

Dani said...

Youre my hero, kids scare the crap out of me and you are around them all day!